Writer’s Block of Cheese

I have a lot of things to write about, I swear. I mean, are you kidding? Is that even a question? Ideas? I’m full of them. I’m a burrito stuffed with ideas. Yes chipotle, I want a hardy scoop of guaca-more things to write about. Hold the writer’s block of cheese, please.

What’s that? Guac is extra?

But… why?

Is the avocado union on strike or something?

Yes, fine, I’ll pay extra. No, I didn’t know about the guac.

Where have I been? Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t really pay attention to the happenings of imaginary vegetable food unions.

What’s that? Avocados aren’t vegetables? Avocados are berries?

Avocados are not berries, you idiot. Have you seen an avocado?

No, I don’t think you’ve seen an avocado.

Yes, I know you work at chipotle but I’m pretty sure the only avocado you’ve witnessed is when it’s a paste mixed with pico de gallo. And you thought to call that a berry.

I know avocados have pits. Is that a qualifying factor for berries? A pit? Someone tell Angelina.

Wait… berries don’t have pits. I ate a strawberry the other day.

Strawberries aren’t berries?

Now you’re full of it.

No, don’t show me the Wikipedia page for avocados and strawberries.

I don’t care.

Dude, I was making a joke.

You’re so dense.

Oh, I’m a what now? You watch your mouth young man. And why don’t you hold the sass while I help pay for that vape in your back pocket, you walking tailpipe.

I’m sorry. That got out of hand.

I’m sorry I called you dense and an idiot.

I’m sorry I called you a walking tailpipe.

Yeah, you’re right. What you said was a lot worse.

Thank you for apologizing. That means a lot.

Yes, I’ll pay extra for the guac.

Yes, I know I don’t have to get it.

Yeah, I’m a little peeved about it but I can’t go back now.

Dude, I just got all hyped on this burrito metaphor, you think I’m just going to not get guacamole. I made a funny pun and everything. “Guaca-more things to write about.” You heard that right? I can’t back out now. I’m committed.

You didn’t find the pun funny?

Watch it buddy.

Why is guacamole extra anyway?

Because it goes bad quickly? That can’t be the reason.

You’re telling me, guacamole spoils quicker than that unrefrigerated sour cream you’re selling.

You refrigerate the sour cream?

Dude, I’m looking at that sour cream right now, it’s not in a refrigerator and you guys are open 12 hours a day.

Whatever man just give me the damn guacamole.

No, I don’t want your moldy sour cream.

What’s that? Black or pinto?

Pinto.

No, I don’t have a problem with black beans being black.

You think you’re a comedian, uh?

Also, why don’t you guys sell more types of beans?

Yes, there are more than two types of beans.

Dude, Lima? Garbanzo? Kidney? Soy? You could pay for more beans with all that extra guac cash you’re racking in.

I don’t care if you don’t like lima beans, that’s not the point.

Dude, can you go 2 seconds without making some stupid remark? Do you always have to comment on everything? You’re so annoying.

My face is annoying?

Good one, bro.

Dude shut up and make my damn burrito. You are the most combative chipotle employee I’ve ever met.

Anyways, what was I saying? Oh right, I have plenty of ideas to write about. Don’t you worry. I can write for days on end about any and everything. That’s what I was saying. I’m a chipotle burrito stuffed with guaca-more things to write about.

What’s that?

You just realized the guac is spoiled?

We’re at the end of the transaction and you’re telling me the guac is spoiled.

You’re telling me you’re out of guacamole?

How convenient.