One of my favorite authors is Mark Twain.
His name isn’t actually Mark Twain.
His real name is Samuel Clemens.
I always win with Samuel Clemens when I play 20 questions.
Here are some of Samuel’s best quotes.
Lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark Twain
Twain’s three categories for lies. The full quote is, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” I’m using this phrase from now on. It was originally meant to say that statistics, while generally true, are often skewed to support a biased point of view.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
MArk Twain
My football coach said this and claimed he made it up. Was my football coach Mark Twain?
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Mark Twain
What if you can’t remember if you told the truth?
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
MArk Twain
A little too pertinent.
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MArk Twain
Preach.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.
MArk Twain
I feel like I wrote a blog about this already.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain
Damned statistics.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
MArk Twain
Lightning bug is always the right word. If you mistakenly said lightning bug, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it. Whatever you were saying before doesn’t matter. It’s now about lightning bugs. It must be about lightning bugs.
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.
MArk Twain
Also, very pertinent.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
MArk Twain
I’m starting to think Mark Twain thought everybody sucked.
All right, then, I’ll go to hell.
Mark Twain
No- I didn’t mean-
I’m sorry.
My bad Mr. Twain.