The best way to start a blog is to procrastinate starting a blog. As with any writing project, it’s best to spend as much time as possible preparing to write instead of actually writing. There is no other option. While preparing, visualize what the blog might look like. This task should take anywhere from several days to a couple years. Unrealistic ideas might arise. In fact, they’re recommended.
While visualizing, come up with dumb literary puns to name your blog. Names like “Hemming-no-way” or “Tolkien You Feel the Love Tonight.” Briefly relish how funny your puns are…
Get distracted by the word relish. What is relish? Where did it come from? Why is it not a more frequent dinner conversation?
One meaning of relish is to enjoy. But that’s not quite right, is it? It means enjoy, but enjoy a little more than enjoy means to enjoy. It means more enjoy. Almost like the word relish was competing with the word enjoy, trying to one-up its synonymous brother.
“I really enjoy this hot dog.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I relish this hot dog.”
“Oh yum. Put some on mine.”
The other meaning of relish is something you put on your hot dog. It’s something you put on your hot dog when you don’t want to enjoy your hot dog.
The opposite of relish is disrelish. It means to dislike or distaste. It has no other meanings, but it sounds like it needs one.
“I disrelish this hot dog.”
“Well, you didn’t have to take it off with your finger and put it on the floor. That’s a waste of good relish.”
I don’t believe there’s such a thing as good relish.
Relish makes me disrelish hot dogs. I relish hot dogs, but I disrelish relish on my hot dogs. Capeesh?
After this relish tangent, briefly contemplate making a food blog about condiments. Realize the potential for condiment related puns. Get excited about your blog, but quickly abandon the idea. You can’t mustard the courage to commit to a condiment pun blog.
Find online guides on how to start a blog. Find that they all recommend committing to a topic, ideally a topic you’re an expert in. Get frustrated with this idea.
Continue to brainstorm outrageous ideas for your blog without fully committing to anything. Never fully commit to anything. If you commit to something you would limit your options. For instance, if you commit to condiments you wouldn’t be able to write about seasoning.
Pretend that you will post everyday. Abandon that idea. Decide to post twice a week. Decide not to post twice a week. You read somewhere readers like bi weekly schedules. Briefly contemplate that “Bi-bi-weekly” would be a good name for a blog about bi-planes. Spend an unnecessary amount of time researching bi-planes. Ultimately decide bi-planes are too complicated for your blog.
Decide you’re going to post whenever you want. It’s your blog. You don’t really have to post at all.
Decide that you’re going to write about whatever interests you, expert or not. Decide that’s the best way to start writing, blog or not.
But remember, always refer to step 1, phase 1, chapter 1, subsection A, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence in “Starting a Blog”: The best way to start a blog is to procrastinate starting a blog.